Status: Mother Part I

I have kept a record of my parenting facebook statuses over the years as kind of a journal of daily parenting life. In honor of Mother’s Day, I present them in this series: Status: Mother. 

I don’t understand why the 2 year old can’t get her shoes on the right feet 50% of the time. She is batting 0.000. She is shaking my faith in mathematics. Darn kids.

I was surprised by my kindergartener’s proclamation this morning that he was not going to college. Oh, really? We’ll just see about that.

I am amused at the compromises of my boychild and girlchild. They are playing that she is the new mother of baby twins swaddled in pink and purple born deep in a secret passage and visited by Indiana Jones. Danger and intrigue meet nurturing and love.

After 6 years, 9 months and 2 days, we threw away the diaper genie today… Katie, the last baby, is dry day and night and we are completely diaperfree. “This house is cleansed.”

Every night when I help Katie get ready for bed, once she is totally unclothed, she yells “I’m NEKKID!!!” at the top of her lungs, does her special nekkid dance and runs through the house. Cracks me up every time, which I know encourages it.

I just taught Caleb how to play chess. Then I tried to teach Emmy, but somehow a wedding broke out on the board and peace reigned in the white/black kingdoms. What can I say, she’s a lover not a fighter.

Dear God, thank you so much for allowing me to be the mother of these 3 wonderful, healthy, happy children. And now dear God, grant me the wisdom to raise them well, the patience to teach them, and the strength to NOT KILL THEM before the end of summer.

I just explained to my 5 year old the difference between “diary” and “diarrhea”, and which one a girl from school might be keeping in her backpack. Having little kids is a hoot!

Katie is sick. The kind of sick that requires a regression to pull-ups and and extra laundry. **sigh**

This is my new favorite saying…. motherhood means long days and short years.

When I pull out the vacuum, the kids always ask me “Mama, who is coming over?” Probably an accurate but not flattering commentary on my mad houzkeepin skillz.

Why, why, why did I think that getting my son a harmonica was a good idea???

I was explaining mandatory vs. optional to Caleb, and his example for me was “It is mandatory that you love me, mama.” Got to explain how, no, it is actually optional and why that is so much better. There’s a sermon in there somewhere…..

One part of parenthood I was completely unprepared for and am still flabbergasted by is the amount of time I have to spend worrying about other people’s poop.

Emmy told me today that she is afraid she is on Santa’s naughty list this year. I reminded her of all the good things she does and how hard she works to be good. Then we decided that we are glad that Jesus doesn’t keep a naughty/nice list. We never have to worry about earning His favor, we just love him in our imperfect way and He loves us back in His perfect way. A much better system.

I know that it is normal developmental play, but it creeps me out when Caleb and Emily pretend to be husband and wife.

I will have you know that my beef stew is outstanding and there are plenty of starving people in China that would be so happy to have it! *grumblegrumble*… ungrateful kids…

Caleb: “You can tell just with your hand that Katie has a fever?” Me: “Yes, mama’s have that special ability. It’s my built in ther-MAMA-ter.”

My sweet Katie says she is going to marry me when she grows up. Then we can play tag and hide-and-go-seek all day long. She is priceless.

Caleb’s little buddy from across the street was over to play yesterday, and Caleb tells him “Isn’t it great about Martin Luther King? Because now we can play together and it isn’t against the law!” Should I be proud or mortified?

Nothing says “Motherhood” like scrubbing barf out of the carpet at 4:45 am.

Emily is making a kitty out of play-doh. Katie asked her where the kitty’s beak was. ??? What are they teaching her in preschool?

This weekend we were having a “Stranger Danger” discussion with the kids and the hypothetical “what if you get separated from mom in the park?” came up. Our plan: ask another mom for help. “How will we know she is a mom?” She’ll have kids. Emmy asks “What if they are robot children that she brought just to trick us?”

Some little first grade hussy is trying to get Caleb to be her boyfriend. She had just broken up with another boy in his class. He said NO! Take that, first grade hussy!

I was discussing the “Silent E” with my sweet daughter Emily, and finally described it as the nickname she will never have.

It is Joke Day in Emmy’s kindergarten class. She rejected “Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering whether or not there was a Dog.” But took “Knock knock. Who’s there? Abby. Abby Who? Abby birthday to you.” That kid just doesn’t know what’s funny…..yet.

Things you hate to hear from kids when picking them up from school: “Mom, the kid sitting next to me at lunch threw up. It got on my skirt and my cheese.”

I suffered a massive parenting failure today. I was able to make it right, and the kid never knew what I had forgotten, but I was brokenhearted that I had forgotten something that I knew was so important to my kiddo.

Please stop jumping rope in the house.

Katie just hung a pencil out of her nostril to get a laugh out of me. She is just like her mama.

I’m trying to teach my children that when they receive a compliment (“What a nice drawing!” “You did a good job!” “Wow, neat Lego sculpture!”) to respond with “Thank you” instead of “I know.”

Looking for Part II of this series?  How about Part III?


Leave a comment

Filed under Funny stuff, Kid stuff

Tell me what you think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s