Status: Mother Part III

I have kept a record of my parenting facebook statuses over the years as kind of a journal of daily parenting life. In honor of Mother’s Day, I present them in this series: Status: Mother.

One of Caleb’s spelling words this week was “toothpaste”, which he kept spelling “toothpast”. I told him no, that was what you brushed your teeth with yesterday.

Katie got a bank from preschool to save money for missionaries. “How do I get the money out, Mama?” “You don’t, Katie. You leave it in there to give back to the church to help tell people about Jesus.” “Ohhh….. :(” She’s still a work in progress, but then again aren’t we all.

About 96% of the time, I am a benevolent dictator. But there are the times when the wrath of mama must rain down like a fury upon your little head. Really, kid, you’ll thank me later when you are not in jail.

ME: “Caleb, it’s time to downshift into normal boy mode.” Caleb: “I’d rather upshift into wizard mode!” Oh, dear.

In the last 6 months or so, my 6 year old’s favorite color has gone from pink to black. Please tell me that she is going to get over this.

Caleb wants to be in the Talent Show. “I’m gonna do ECR. You know, like when someone is choking.”

Emmy is going to a birthday party featuring manis and pedis. I asked if she knew what they were and she said “I don’t know what pedis is, but manis is that white stuff you put on your sandwich.”

“Please take the jelly bean out of your nose.”

Went into the boy’s room for something and there was his MagnaDoodle with “KILL” written on it. Not REDRUM, but I am sleeping with one eye open from now on.

Katie: “Blah blah blah butterflies blah blah purple.”
Me: “Uh huh.”
Katie: “Blah blah princesses, Blah bladdety blah rainbows.”
Me: “Oh, yes.”
Katie: “Mama, I just love talking to you.”
Me: **guilt**

Quick… someone who has successfully launched a grown child from their home tell me not to give up. Dark days at the White House, friends. Dark days indeed.

Katie says that when she grows up she wants to be a “peteranarian”. Then Emmy corrected her. Boo.

Tonite at dinner we discussed yttrium and leeches. ‘Cuz that’s how we roll at the White House.

Emily’s citizenship trophy was stolen out of her backpack. Not kidding. How’s that for irony? She is taking it much better than her Mama Bear, but then *I* didn’t win the trophy.

I sure am awfully busy for someone who is “unemployed”.

Two thirds of my children LOVE! BRUSSEL! SPROUTS! The other child is normal.

Thank goodness my girls come home from their week at Aunt Tauniya’s today. I am running low on giggles. Caleb has enjoyed being an only child, though.

Caleb is playing Mad Scientist. Emmy and Katie are playing Normal, Well-Adjusted Scientist.

There seem to be all these people staring expectantly at me. I think they want me to feed them.

Circus performer, chef, valet, warden, hostage negotiator, chauffeur, and medic all at once. I am a mother.

Didn’t I just feed you dinner last night? Why do you need it again already?

Hunted down my Teaching Certificate so I could get into SeaWorld for free. Now I have to hunt down my Marriage License to prove that Catherine Nicole Chittenden and Catherine Nicole White are the same person (only softened and made more lovely by age, marriage and motherhood).

Just broke up the first fight of the day. School, come swiftly and save us from these dark and troubling times.

I got the kids 99 cent solar calculators at HEB and suddenly I’m the BEST! MOM! EVER!!

Twas the night before school starts and all though my home; I was dancing in the hallways ’cause school had finally come!

Reading over the PISD dress code, and it says that shirts cannot have pictures of weapons on them. If that includes lightsabers, we may be in big trouble at our house….

“Katie, where did you get that bandaid on your finger?” “I found it behind the couch, and it still fits!” Ew….

Mama, when you were looking for daddy to marry, did you walk around, or did you drive your car to peoples houses and knock?

My brother used to say of me “Sure, she’s a genius, but she can’t tie her shoes,” because I was far more cerebral than practical. Those words come back to haunt me as my son shuffled out of school today with his shoes tied… to each other. #thatsmyboy

I took Katie to the park to play today. She was the biggest kid there. There were so many babies and toddlers, and she looked so big. Soon I won’t even have a preschooler. So I got all teary thinking about the end of this sweet stage of life, transforming me into weird weepy lady on a park bench. So undignified.

‎‎‎‎‎Call CPS. I am making my youngest fold laundry. #meanmommy

Spelling rebellion in full swing. So I said, “Okay, you don’t have to do your spelling. But the test is still tomorrow, how do you think you’ll do?” Then there was a nuclear explosion, followed by a “FINE!”, followed by some spelling. Angry, rageful spelling.

And now the spelling is done, the storm has passed and I am holding the most delightful, unprompted apology note ever. *sigh* She is so worth the effort.

Emmy to visiting neighbor girl: “Did you know we have a deflector shield around our house?” Visiting neighbor girl: … long pause…. “Cool.” We make normal people nervous around here.

Katie and I were in Lifeway today, and since it’s right around the corner from Sam Moon, we went in. I have never been there before. Just looking in from the front door, I broke into a cold sweat, overwhelmed by all the choices. I have no idea what is pretty and what is hideous. Katie, however, immediately went into a trance, began twirling and floating down the aisles, saying “OOOHH! MAMA! LOOK! AHHH! OHHH! AHHHH! THIS! AND THIS!” Evidently style skips a generation.

K: Mama, did you know that I know half of a song?
Me: Really? What half of a song do you know?
K: The other half.
Oh Lord, how this child makes me laugh. I love her so.

Picking up the mail after school, and a puppy ran down the street and jumped in my van. No collar. Drove around looking for someone looking for the puppy. No luck. Put her in the backyard for the time being. Just heard Emmy praying a thank you to God for sending her a new dog. I may be in trouble.

Looking for Part I of this series? Or how about Part II?

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1 Comment

Filed under Funny stuff, Kid stuff

One response to “Status: Mother Part III

  1. Dodie Morris

    Loved reading this series, Nicole!

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