Category Archives: Funny stuff

If the world remembers nothing else about me let them remember this: I love God and I love to laugh!

Grouchy

Photo credit:Matt Brown

I am already grouchy today, have not been my happy self for several days, and so I bring you the following blog post. I tried to write about what was bothering me, and I realized I have no idea what is bothering me. So instead I thought about the things that get under my skin in general, and came up with this list.

Here is a list of things that irritate me, in no particular order.

It irritates me when there is someone in the express checkout lane with more than 10 items. This is the EXPRESS lane, people. We get in it because we are in a hurry and just need to pick a few things up at the grocery store, and you are ruining the system for everybody when you slow down the system with your 17 (yes, I count your stuff) items. And don’t even get me started on the lady who ‘just forgot one little thing that she has to run back and get’. Arg.

Speaking of checkout lanes, why does Walmart think that 20 items or less is an express lane? 20 items? Really? But then again, everything at Walmart happens at the speed of dark anyway, so why should it be a surprise that they believe that 20 items will go fast?

It irritates me when in traffic people don’t give the wave. You know the one. You are driving along, traffic is dragging, and someone wants over into your lane so you slow down and let them in and then they don’t give you the wave. People! Is it so much to ask? Wave at me! Acknowledge my tiny kindness in your life!

I predict that this is the one that will get me in the most trouble: It irritates me when people say that having their dog/cat is just like having a kid. I don’t mean when people use that as a euphemism for ‘I love my pet a whole lot’, or even when someone means that ‘Wow, this pet really takes a lot of care and attention.’ Those things I can understand. It’s when people really mean that having a pet is equivalent to having a child. ‘My pet is like my child.’ No, it isn’t. I know this because ‘my child is like my pet’ is really a messed up statement.

Also irritating me: when someone talks on their cell phone when they are in a checkout line. (Hm. I have a lot of issues with checkout lines.) No one wants to eavesdrop on your conversation, but we are trapped there with you. Also, the person who is about to ring up your purchase is… a person! They may be an employee and there to wait on you, but they are a person who deserves the basic respect of you interacting with them politely and not with your phone to your ear. What is so important anyway that it cannot wait? And if it is that important, make your call, THEN get in line.

This one doesn’t irritate me, but more weirds me out: Women with really long hair. Like past their bum long. Can’t really say why, but I have a general suspicion of them. I know, weird.

Last one: When I go into a store, and a clerk asks if I need any help and I say no, and they keep wanting to help me. Ack! Too much pressure! I just want to look at all the stuff I am not going to buy anyway! Go away! Stop suggesting things! Ack!

Woo! I am glad I got that off my chest!  Now I am dying to know: what bugs YOU?

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Gone Fishin’

At a New Year’s Eve party about two or three years ago, Katie, my littlest child, pulled me into the bathroom with her and excitedly whispered, “Mama! You know that man who plays the guitar and sings at our church? HE’S HERE!” It turns out that our worship pastor Stevie (as his fans know him) is my little Katie’s personal Justin Beiber. We went out, and I took her over to talk to him, and though he was very kind, all she could do is smile shyly and not utter a sound. We did manage to get a picture of them together though.

Katie continued to smile at him from her vantage point on the second row at church each Sunday. Then this spring, I began tutoring Stevie’s son Gabe in PreCalculus several times a week. Katie would accompany me, drawing, watching the Disney channel, or sneaking upstairs to play Gabe’s drums while he and I did our math.

Their home backs up to the San Gabriel River, and one day Stevie took Katie and me on a tour down steep metal stairs on the face of a cliff to a ledge overlooking the quiet river. Stevie told us about swimming there with the family and showed us his favorite place to sit and fish. Katie took it all in quietly and with big eyes. Stevie asked her, “Next time you come over, would you like to go fishing with me?” Katie smile was huge. “Yes!”

All the way home, Katie talked about going fishing. All the next day, she talked about fishing. She had a million questions about fish and catching them and letting them go. She asked me a million times about when she was going fishing with Stevie. Then the next day on the way to their house, she again talked about fishing non-stop.

Once we got there though, it was a different story. Stevie had gotten chairs and gear and live worms. He had even found a little Mickey Mouse fishing pole for Katie. Katie had brought cold feet. Once the reality of going down to the river with a very nice, but essentially unknown man set in, Katie wasn’t so sure she wanted to go. We talked, we cajoled, we encouraged, but she was afraid. Finally Stevie told her “That’s okay, Katie. I’ll tell you what. I will go down and set up a spot to fish. If you change your mind, have your mom bring you down when you are ready. I will wait for you.”

Stevie headed out, Gabe and I went to work on his math, and Katie sat down to draw. After fifteen minutes or so, I said “Katie, let’s go see if Stevie caught any fish yet.” “Okay,” was her shaky reply.

Down the steep stairs we went to the river’s edge. Stevie had set up the chairs and was all ready for her. “Ready to fish?” he said. She was. He showed her the rod and the bobber and the hook and the worm, setting it all up for her. He helped her cast, and we sat down to wait. She kept peering over the edge trying to see her hook. Below, we could see the shadowy shapes of fish and the nose of a turtle.

The hook was only in the water for about five minutes before the bobber popped under the water. She had a bite! Stevie helped her reel, and as she squealed with delight, a big fat perch came up on her line. Together she and Stevie marveled at its smooth sides, blue stripes, and sharp spines. She politely declined to touch it, but she giggled and talked about it nonstop. Stevie clasped the prized catch carefully and removed the hook. “Goodbye, fish,” called Katie as Stevie tossed him back in the water. The fish wasn’t the only thing hooked- so was Katie. She wanted her line back in the water. Stevie set her up again, and I excused myself to go back to Gabe and his PreCal. As I climbed the steps, Kate was jabbering away at a laughing Stevie as they both tried to find more turtles.

About an hour later they came up the path, gear in hand, both grinning from ear to ear. Katie was full of stories about what she had seen and done, excited about heading home to tell her brother and sister all about it. Later, Stevie would share his favorite part of the trip: Katie had said to him “Let’s just put down our poles and talk…” and so they did. Katie has a fan, too.

As August turns into September and the school starts again, I have often thought that this time of year is more like New Year’s than January. This is the time of year for new. New teachers, new friends, new schools, new opportunities, new adventures. For me this year, it is the newness of having all three of my kids in school, and wondering just what the year will bring. For my Katie, it is the newness of starting kindergarten. All this newness is exciting, but can also be intimidating. It can be so tempting to feel like Katie did when it finally came time to fish. She wanted to fish with Stevie. She was excited to fish with him. But when it came down to letting go of her mama and following him down to the fishing hole, things got a little shaky.

There is a fear of the unknown that newness carries. As Katie understood, even in an adventure that is eagerly sought, that first frighteningly unknown step must be taken. We will know it each tomorrow as we step into new places, new beginnings, new adventures. There will always be the lingering thought that it might be better to evade this newness- that it might be better not to take the risk. Stifle that thought. Get your pole and go fishing.

~And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk that it took to blossom.~ Anais Nin

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Who’s in Charge?

This summer I got to participate in a lot of ministry. But if I only ‘did’ ministry and didn’t listen and learn, then I would be doing it wrong. In this series, ‘Summer School’ I present some of the lessons God taught me.

Summer School Lesson 2: Who’s in Charge?

When I volunteered to be the director for my church’s VBS (Vacation Bible School) this summer, my motives were selfish. I wanted my three kids to go to VBS at our church. The fact that 50+ other kids also got to do it, too? That was just gravy.

I am not equipped to do VBS, and I didn’t know exactly how the whole thing was going to play out. If I was really in charge of VBS, here’s how it would have gone: for crafts, kids, let’s do a coloring sheet. With Sharpies. Your moms will love that. For bible time, you kids can listen to me make jokes that are over your head and read from the book of Deuteronomy. Recreation? Well, just try not to hit each other too hard. Snack time…. Um, here’s a saltine and some water, now watch this Veggie Tales and be quiet for 20 minutes. Drama, well, isn’t there enough drama in our lives? Let’s skip that part. Music… um, where it the cd player?

Because God knew I was not equipped to be in charge of VBS, He just let me think I was and instead He took over the details. He had the Body do it. You know… The Body of Christ- the Church. Like it says in scripture: Now the body is not made up of one part but of many…..  But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

  • He sent the most creative ladies in church for the craft room with a budget of under $30 to boot!
  • He sent patient, fun bible study teachers who not only taught, but transformed their classroom into a desert oasis complete with tent and fountain.
  • For recreation, He sent two amazing servants out in the Texas heat who managed to make everyday Water Day, and the kids never complained!
  • Snack and a video? No thanks, said God’s snack team. Let’s have them build their own snacks as a craft that reinforces the bible lesson.
  • Skip drama? Instead, God had His plan fulfilled by one of His saints to pull out all the costumes, all the props, cast all the extras to make the gospel come to life for these kids.
  • Music? Let’s not just sing, whispers God in the ear of the music leader. Let’s worship and praise.
  • And to lead the groups? God sent about 20 youth eager to love on and play with the little ones of this church.
  • Now, says God, I will also give you an administrator, preschool director, sound team that all have one goal in mind- serving Jesus.

My motives for VBS were selfish. I wanted my kids to have a week with their friends to build relationships. I wanted them to have a week with the teenage helpers to see that big, cool kids could love Jesus, too. And I wanted them to have a week with the adult leaders because there was a lot of knowledge and love being poured out from these folks. And I wanted my three children to benefit from it. They, along with 50ish new and old friends, got to do just that. All around, lessons were learned about Jesus and His great love. My lesson?  Who’s in charge. Hint: it isn’t me.

Looking for Summer School Lesson 1: Two are Better than One?

Looking for Lesson 3: What about when He Hit You?

Looking for Lesson 4: Are You Happy to Wake Up in the Morning?

Looking for Lesson 5: That My Joy May Be In You?

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Status: Mother Part III

I have kept a record of my parenting facebook statuses over the years as kind of a journal of daily parenting life. In honor of Mother’s Day, I present them in this series: Status: Mother.

One of Caleb’s spelling words this week was “toothpaste”, which he kept spelling “toothpast”. I told him no, that was what you brushed your teeth with yesterday.

Katie got a bank from preschool to save money for missionaries. “How do I get the money out, Mama?” “You don’t, Katie. You leave it in there to give back to the church to help tell people about Jesus.” “Ohhh….. :(” She’s still a work in progress, but then again aren’t we all.

About 96% of the time, I am a benevolent dictator. But there are the times when the wrath of mama must rain down like a fury upon your little head. Really, kid, you’ll thank me later when you are not in jail.

ME: “Caleb, it’s time to downshift into normal boy mode.” Caleb: “I’d rather upshift into wizard mode!” Oh, dear.

In the last 6 months or so, my 6 year old’s favorite color has gone from pink to black. Please tell me that she is going to get over this.

Caleb wants to be in the Talent Show. “I’m gonna do ECR. You know, like when someone is choking.”

Emmy is going to a birthday party featuring manis and pedis. I asked if she knew what they were and she said “I don’t know what pedis is, but manis is that white stuff you put on your sandwich.”

“Please take the jelly bean out of your nose.”

Went into the boy’s room for something and there was his MagnaDoodle with “KILL” written on it. Not REDRUM, but I am sleeping with one eye open from now on.

Katie: “Blah blah blah butterflies blah blah purple.”
Me: “Uh huh.”
Katie: “Blah blah princesses, Blah bladdety blah rainbows.”
Me: “Oh, yes.”
Katie: “Mama, I just love talking to you.”
Me: **guilt**

Quick… someone who has successfully launched a grown child from their home tell me not to give up. Dark days at the White House, friends. Dark days indeed.

Katie says that when she grows up she wants to be a “peteranarian”. Then Emmy corrected her. Boo.

Tonite at dinner we discussed yttrium and leeches. ‘Cuz that’s how we roll at the White House.

Emily’s citizenship trophy was stolen out of her backpack. Not kidding. How’s that for irony? She is taking it much better than her Mama Bear, but then *I* didn’t win the trophy.

I sure am awfully busy for someone who is “unemployed”.

Two thirds of my children LOVE! BRUSSEL! SPROUTS! The other child is normal.

Thank goodness my girls come home from their week at Aunt Tauniya’s today. I am running low on giggles. Caleb has enjoyed being an only child, though.

Caleb is playing Mad Scientist. Emmy and Katie are playing Normal, Well-Adjusted Scientist.

There seem to be all these people staring expectantly at me. I think they want me to feed them.

Circus performer, chef, valet, warden, hostage negotiator, chauffeur, and medic all at once. I am a mother.

Didn’t I just feed you dinner last night? Why do you need it again already?

Hunted down my Teaching Certificate so I could get into SeaWorld for free. Now I have to hunt down my Marriage License to prove that Catherine Nicole Chittenden and Catherine Nicole White are the same person (only softened and made more lovely by age, marriage and motherhood).

Just broke up the first fight of the day. School, come swiftly and save us from these dark and troubling times.

I got the kids 99 cent solar calculators at HEB and suddenly I’m the BEST! MOM! EVER!!

Twas the night before school starts and all though my home; I was dancing in the hallways ’cause school had finally come!

Reading over the PISD dress code, and it says that shirts cannot have pictures of weapons on them. If that includes lightsabers, we may be in big trouble at our house….

“Katie, where did you get that bandaid on your finger?” “I found it behind the couch, and it still fits!” Ew….

Mama, when you were looking for daddy to marry, did you walk around, or did you drive your car to peoples houses and knock?

My brother used to say of me “Sure, she’s a genius, but she can’t tie her shoes,” because I was far more cerebral than practical. Those words come back to haunt me as my son shuffled out of school today with his shoes tied… to each other. #thatsmyboy

I took Katie to the park to play today. She was the biggest kid there. There were so many babies and toddlers, and she looked so big. Soon I won’t even have a preschooler. So I got all teary thinking about the end of this sweet stage of life, transforming me into weird weepy lady on a park bench. So undignified.

‎‎‎‎‎Call CPS. I am making my youngest fold laundry. #meanmommy

Spelling rebellion in full swing. So I said, “Okay, you don’t have to do your spelling. But the test is still tomorrow, how do you think you’ll do?” Then there was a nuclear explosion, followed by a “FINE!”, followed by some spelling. Angry, rageful spelling.

And now the spelling is done, the storm has passed and I am holding the most delightful, unprompted apology note ever. *sigh* She is so worth the effort.

Emmy to visiting neighbor girl: “Did you know we have a deflector shield around our house?” Visiting neighbor girl: … long pause…. “Cool.” We make normal people nervous around here.

Katie and I were in Lifeway today, and since it’s right around the corner from Sam Moon, we went in. I have never been there before. Just looking in from the front door, I broke into a cold sweat, overwhelmed by all the choices. I have no idea what is pretty and what is hideous. Katie, however, immediately went into a trance, began twirling and floating down the aisles, saying “OOOHH! MAMA! LOOK! AHHH! OHHH! AHHHH! THIS! AND THIS!” Evidently style skips a generation.

K: Mama, did you know that I know half of a song?
Me: Really? What half of a song do you know?
K: The other half.
Oh Lord, how this child makes me laugh. I love her so.

Picking up the mail after school, and a puppy ran down the street and jumped in my van. No collar. Drove around looking for someone looking for the puppy. No luck. Put her in the backyard for the time being. Just heard Emmy praying a thank you to God for sending her a new dog. I may be in trouble.

Looking for Part I of this series? Or how about Part II?

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Status: Mother Part II

I have kept a record of my parenting facebook statuses over the years as kind of a journal of daily parenting life. In honor of Mother’s Day, I present them in this series: Status: Mother.


Today’s adventure: went to Emmy’s beauty store for a makeover. Emmy was assisted by her daughter Katie while her husband Caleb ran the shop. They were loading me up with bright pink lipstick, glitter lotion, and priceless jewelry when the police called and told Caleb to close the doors and windows and turn out the lights because a robber was in the neighborhood. At the end of the makeover, I fessed up that I WAS THE ROBBER and was making off with all the jewels. They turned the tables on me though, because they were actually superhero-beauticians in disguise, so they beat me up and took the jewels back. But I WILL have my revenge!

Caleb made a doorknob hanger in Sunday school this morning. The front says: Forgive and you will be forgiven. The back says: No trespassing AND I MEAN IT.

Seven hours in the van with non-stop Disney movies playing has given me an idea for Disney’s next great film! A young boy who routinely consumes too much roughage and his journey to control his intestines. Working title: “Finding Beano”.

My 3 year old just told me “Okay, Ms. Bossy, just a minute.” I managed to keep a straight face as I clued her in as to why I am called Ms. Bossy.

Kids are upstairs playing, and one of them just yelled “Get to the starting line for the farting olympics!” I think I’ll stay down here for now.

You like toast. You like cheese. WHY, WHY, WHY are you whining about having grilled cheese for lunch? Is it part of your evil plot to drive me insane? IT’S WORKING.

Heard in the back seat of the minivan: “Let’s sing Jingle Bells with a chicken voice. Bock bock bock, bock bock bock, bock bock cluck cluck bock!”

I was just telling a friend yesterday that this summer wasn’t so bad with the kids and that they are usually driving me nuts by now. WHY DID I SAY IT OUT LOUD???? JINXED!!! School, start quickly!!!

“Sister fatigue” is the clinical term for what ails my son. Start soon, school.

Emily’s 1st grade teacher called to introduce herself. I asked Caleb’s opinion of her (he was in 1st last year and knows all the teachers) and he said “Well, she’s nice when her class is behaving.” Hmmm…. kind of like his mother.

Child of mine, you are so very worth all the extra effort I must pour into you. I love you forever, Mama.

“Mama, can everything talk?” “No, honey, only people can talk.” “Oh…then cheese can’t talk?” “No, cheese can’t talk.”

Boring women have immaculate homes. It’s my new mantra.

What are the odds that Caleb and Emmy would both lose tooth #2 within an hour of each other? Well, the odds are made greater if little sister loses hers first. Anything you can do, I can do better.

At the dinner table:
“Mom, tell us a story.”
“Once there were three very quiet little children. As you can see, this is a work of fiction.”

Emmy is home from school early with a fever. Jammies, ibuprofen and the Little Mermaid are just what the doctor ordered. Well, that and her mama’s extra attention. My week is a busy one, but this is a good reminder to me of what my #1 ministry is: Rusty, Caleb, Emily and Katie. Sometimes, everyone else will just have to wait!

My girls were squabbling so much in the van on the way home from gymnastics that I told them that they could no longer talk at all. I guess I should have said “until we get home” because about 15 min after we got back to the house, Emmy handed me a note that said “Can I toc naw plese with choclet on top?” Whoops. It was a very quiet 15 minutes, though.

Breakfast table conversation this a.m.: “God IS everywhere… even at the water park, because there are people at the water park.”

A wave of cranky has broken over my home. And unfortunately I am leading by example. This may call for a Dairy Queen run later….

“Mama, the bottom of my shoe smells like noodles.”

Me: “Katie, did you brush your teeth?” Kate: “Yes.” Me: “Katie….” Kate: “Really. I promise.” Me: “C’mere and let me smell your minty breath.” Kate: “I have to go upstairs and do something.”

Emily just informed Caleb that he is not a mammal since he cannot give birth to live young or provide milk. *snicker*

Nothing ruins the forward momentum of the morning like a lost pair of tennies on P.E. day. I hate snapping into mean, in-a-hurry mama mode.

Just when I think they are focused enough on getting ready for bed that I can steal down the stairs and start the dishes (or check fb…) I hear a lone note from a kazoo drift down and I realize that the circus plays on.

Sign on Emmy’s door: “No doys allowed!” I think she means her drother.

“Wow, the weather is really affecting the temperature!” – Caleb White, my son the scientist

I was looking online for ideas for Caleb’s George Washington costume for school, and I found a “Sexy George Washington” entry. That was a sexy George Washington, all right. Not completely historical in that George Washington is traditionally depicted as a man, but definitely sexy.

The neighbor’s kid understands the concept of prank calling, but doesn’t understand the concept of caller ID. Amusing.

Romantic Valentine’s dinner for my family of 5- spaghetti and meatballs with cupid shaped garlic toast, candle light and a carnation in a vase on the table. That’s called livin’ it up White House style.

Caleb: “Katie, you have a milk mustache.” Katie: “That’s because I drinkded my milk.” Caleb: “That’s because I DRANK my milk.” Katie: “You did NOT! It’s MY milk!”

Good parenting is the balance between being the parent that loves on you as you sit around the table at dinnertime and the parent that will murder you if you skip class. Two sides of parenting love, neither one works without the other.

HOLY COW! CALEB AND I JUST BEAT THE GIANT BOWSER AT THE END OF WORLD 8 AND UNLOCKED THE SECRET LEVEL 9!!! ….. Um…. I mean…. Caleb and I had a fun time this afternoon playing Super Mario Brothers on the Wii.

We have a new vocabulary word at the White House: smug. They get what it means, but keep using it with the wrong part of speech. “Mama, Caleb is being a smug.” “Mom, Emily is smugging!” I like their usages better than the traditional.

Looking for Status: Mother Part I? Ready for Part III?

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Status: Mother Part I

I have kept a record of my parenting facebook statuses over the years as kind of a journal of daily parenting life. In honor of Mother’s Day, I present them in this series: Status: Mother. 

I don’t understand why the 2 year old can’t get her shoes on the right feet 50% of the time. She is batting 0.000. She is shaking my faith in mathematics. Darn kids.

I was surprised by my kindergartener’s proclamation this morning that he was not going to college. Oh, really? We’ll just see about that.

I am amused at the compromises of my boychild and girlchild. They are playing that she is the new mother of baby twins swaddled in pink and purple born deep in a secret passage and visited by Indiana Jones. Danger and intrigue meet nurturing and love.

After 6 years, 9 months and 2 days, we threw away the diaper genie today… Katie, the last baby, is dry day and night and we are completely diaperfree. “This house is cleansed.”

Every night when I help Katie get ready for bed, once she is totally unclothed, she yells “I’m NEKKID!!!” at the top of her lungs, does her special nekkid dance and runs through the house. Cracks me up every time, which I know encourages it.

I just taught Caleb how to play chess. Then I tried to teach Emmy, but somehow a wedding broke out on the board and peace reigned in the white/black kingdoms. What can I say, she’s a lover not a fighter.

Dear God, thank you so much for allowing me to be the mother of these 3 wonderful, healthy, happy children. And now dear God, grant me the wisdom to raise them well, the patience to teach them, and the strength to NOT KILL THEM before the end of summer.

I just explained to my 5 year old the difference between “diary” and “diarrhea”, and which one a girl from school might be keeping in her backpack. Having little kids is a hoot!

Katie is sick. The kind of sick that requires a regression to pull-ups and and extra laundry. **sigh**

This is my new favorite saying…. motherhood means long days and short years.

When I pull out the vacuum, the kids always ask me “Mama, who is coming over?” Probably an accurate but not flattering commentary on my mad houzkeepin skillz.

Why, why, why did I think that getting my son a harmonica was a good idea???

I was explaining mandatory vs. optional to Caleb, and his example for me was “It is mandatory that you love me, mama.” Got to explain how, no, it is actually optional and why that is so much better. There’s a sermon in there somewhere…..

One part of parenthood I was completely unprepared for and am still flabbergasted by is the amount of time I have to spend worrying about other people’s poop.

Emmy told me today that she is afraid she is on Santa’s naughty list this year. I reminded her of all the good things she does and how hard she works to be good. Then we decided that we are glad that Jesus doesn’t keep a naughty/nice list. We never have to worry about earning His favor, we just love him in our imperfect way and He loves us back in His perfect way. A much better system.

I know that it is normal developmental play, but it creeps me out when Caleb and Emily pretend to be husband and wife.

I will have you know that my beef stew is outstanding and there are plenty of starving people in China that would be so happy to have it! *grumblegrumble*… ungrateful kids…

Caleb: “You can tell just with your hand that Katie has a fever?” Me: “Yes, mama’s have that special ability. It’s my built in ther-MAMA-ter.”

My sweet Katie says she is going to marry me when she grows up. Then we can play tag and hide-and-go-seek all day long. She is priceless.

Caleb’s little buddy from across the street was over to play yesterday, and Caleb tells him “Isn’t it great about Martin Luther King? Because now we can play together and it isn’t against the law!” Should I be proud or mortified?

Nothing says “Motherhood” like scrubbing barf out of the carpet at 4:45 am.

Emily is making a kitty out of play-doh. Katie asked her where the kitty’s beak was. ??? What are they teaching her in preschool?

This weekend we were having a “Stranger Danger” discussion with the kids and the hypothetical “what if you get separated from mom in the park?” came up. Our plan: ask another mom for help. “How will we know she is a mom?” She’ll have kids. Emmy asks “What if they are robot children that she brought just to trick us?”

Some little first grade hussy is trying to get Caleb to be her boyfriend. She had just broken up with another boy in his class. He said NO! Take that, first grade hussy!

I was discussing the “Silent E” with my sweet daughter Emily, and finally described it as the nickname she will never have.

It is Joke Day in Emmy’s kindergarten class. She rejected “Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering whether or not there was a Dog.” But took “Knock knock. Who’s there? Abby. Abby Who? Abby birthday to you.” That kid just doesn’t know what’s funny…..yet.

Things you hate to hear from kids when picking them up from school: “Mom, the kid sitting next to me at lunch threw up. It got on my skirt and my cheese.”

I suffered a massive parenting failure today. I was able to make it right, and the kid never knew what I had forgotten, but I was brokenhearted that I had forgotten something that I knew was so important to my kiddo.

Please stop jumping rope in the house.

Katie just hung a pencil out of her nostril to get a laugh out of me. She is just like her mama.

I’m trying to teach my children that when they receive a compliment (“What a nice drawing!” “You did a good job!” “Wow, neat Lego sculpture!”) to respond with “Thank you” instead of “I know.”

Looking for Part II of this series?  How about Part III?

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Captain Random

A conversation in the minivan:

Emily: What are we going to have for dinner?

Me: I’m not sure. Where do you want to go?

Emily: How about McDonald’s?

Me (cringing): No, pick somewhere else. What do you think, Katie?

Katie: Wendy’s!

Emily: No, I don’t like Wendy’s.

Me: I know, how about Subway?

Emily: Yeah!

Katie: Subway!

Caleb: You know, R2D2 is actually quite well known.

Have I mentioned how much I adore this boy of mine?

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